I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In other news, I just burned my penis
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize