just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
