There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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