Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize