You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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