She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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