We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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