P.S. I can't hear my feet
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
