OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i now understand why vodka
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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