It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize