It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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