I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize