I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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