You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
