Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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