Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
