if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
