Nicole vs. Life
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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