hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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