If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
