After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
