Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
