i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize