Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've blown a few things in my day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
