You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
