I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
