I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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