hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
