haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
