Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
