Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
