So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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