You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
