Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
