He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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