why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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