The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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