Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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