I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
