omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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