never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
