p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
