Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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