She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
