I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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