Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
