So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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