There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
