i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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