I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
