Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
