how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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