Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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