some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
