I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
