But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
