What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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