i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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