I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
