I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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