you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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