yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
