So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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