we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
