We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
