i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
