I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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