No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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