It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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