M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We just shotgunned beers for America
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
