I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
