We got so high we made milksteak
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
