forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
