She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
