K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
