what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
