I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
