i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize