I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
