Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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