if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
