I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
