It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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