In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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