Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the day after is always just damage control
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That accounts for only three of the penises
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
