So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
