If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
