I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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