You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We are all done wearing pants today
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
