Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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