Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
