After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
