Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
