I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
