My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
