when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
