It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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