I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
