Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
