There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
