So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize