Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
