I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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