hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
